“Guys on Viagra had erections that lasted longer than [this show].”
“People say, what has changed the most in five months? I’d have to say, Heidi Montag, probably.”
“We were on the air five months. It seems like just yesterday I was telling NBC, ‘This is not going to work.'” (Not funny, and not true: Leno gave a press conference before this series started saying that he might not beat new episodes of scripted dramas scheduled opposite him, but that he would probably beat them when they were in reruns. Didn’t happen.)
Leno started to introduce “a look back” at all he’d done during The Jay Leno Show, but unlike Conan O’Brien’s farewell show, which ran a series of O’Brien’s best Tonight Show bits, all of Leno’s “memories” were just new, unfunny taped bits, such as a bit of manipulated tape that made it look as though Kanye West slapped Leno and stalked off-stage.
Donald Trump showed up via satellite to yell (what else?): “You’re fired!”
Guest Ashton Kutcher assured Jay that this entire past five months “was a punk,” and added — weirdly — that even Conan O’Brien was in on the joke, “acting all angry, doing an Irish accent.”
Leno told guest Gabourey Sidibe that Precious is “so good, some people think it’s a documentary.” Whaaa?
The only semi-spontaneous moment seemed to occur at the very start, when a man in a black leather jacket lingered in front of Leno as he did his usual opening meet-‘n’-greet with audience members, and said something in Leno’s ear. Who knows what he said? It may have been funnier than the hour that followed.
Leno re-takes his prize, The Tonight Show, next month. Looking forward to it?