TV doesn’t get much more manipulative than Find My Family, which premiered last night after Dancing With The Stars. The first episode was a repulsive mixture of aggressive agenda-pushing and teary uplift. The show suggests that every adopted person should want to meet his or her biological parents, and every person who gave up a child for adoption is obliged to yearn to meet that child.
How does the show know? Well, in part because its co-hosts, Tim Green and Lisa Joyner are both adoptees, and as Lisa tells one young woman, “I’m adopted myself, so I know exactly how you feel?” Really? Exactly? I doubt so personal a matter can ever be completely understood by another, especially by two people (interviewer and interviewee) brought together solely by TV.
Find My Family operates a kind of benign blackmail. You can have the FMF team help you locate your long-lost child, but in return, you have to appear on-camera, bare your most intimate feelings, and then go and stand under the show’s jaw-droppingly hokey “family tree” — “a very special place where we bring families together,” says Green. Once there, you must have the first seconds of your reunion filmed.
It was telling that one of the most articulate of the people profiled last night, a grown adoptee in Wisconsin named Jennie, said after being reunited with her birth parents, “I don’t know for sure where things are going to go.”
For a series that’s all about the primacy of tears and emotions over clear-headedness and privacy, it’s a wonder that this mild, restrained comment was edited into the broadcast. “I will be here for you to begin again,” go the lyrics to the sappy theme song of Find My Family. Great. And will you be here a year from now, when some of these people may decide — as a few of them surely will, don’t you think? — that this reunion was a complicated, sometimes troubling and upsetting experience that they may regret was filmed for public peeping?
Did you watch Find My Family?
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yest you cant stopping talking about Jon and Kate – thats revulsion and exploitation of children for fame and nothing else.
I have to say as the premire Tv critic of EW, I find it very strange what you champion and what you put down
LOL no kidding…not to mention the fact that he was fawning over Adam Lambert’s performance yesterday.
For some reason, he didn’t find ANYTHING “grotesque” about that….yet when people are being reunited with their families (something that ALL parties agreed to before being aired on the show), suddenly Tucker has a problem.
Reunited with their families?! Ugh, no. These people aren’t their families. They are little more than sperm and egg donors.
Why do you guys have to hate on the writers around here so much? They’re covering entertainment topics, and getting paid to do it. That’s the extent of it. We all have opinions, wildly cock-a-mamee or not. It’s all in the eye of the beholder. Let’s not heckle the writers until they’re afraid to share their opinions. For those of you who possess extraordinarily thick heads, I offer this: Quit being a douchebag.
Yeah, Ken Tucker is one of the many problems I have with EW right now. He, and most of the TV crew, seem to have no taste. I do not doubt that this show is horrid, but I don’t see how this can be worse than Adam Lambert on the AMAs or Jon and Kate. I wish Lisa and Owen would get more play on this site, and people like Ken Tucker would just go away.
Crispy, HOW DARE YOU! Unless you have been in the position where you have placed a child for adoption, you have absolutely no right to say that the birthparents are nothing more than donors. You have no idea the heartache and sacrifice that goes into making that decision. I know plenty of birthparents (myself and immediate family members included) who have maintained a relationship with both their child(ren) who were placed and the adoptive parents they were placed with. You are nothing if not ignorant and severely misinformed. While I do not necessarily agree with the format of this show, your statement is the very reason there is such a negative stigma attached to birthparents, adopted children, and the process as a whole.
I agree. It’s strange that he has a problem with bunch of consenting adults participating but didn’t have a problem with the Gosselin parents pimping out their kids(who didn’t have consent) for entertainment.
did any of you actually watch this program? I did and agree completely with the review.
I had no desire to watch a forced tear-jerking reality show!
i watched the show last night after dancing with the stars, and i didnt see any manipulation or black mail. first of all, the adopted child has the choice to meet their parents, they can say no if they want to. Secondly, there is show on WE call “the locator” it also reunites people with their families. People go to them to find their famil etc etc, and if they dont want to go thru it they have that choice. They are adults they can make their own decesion. Ken make it seem that all adopted people dont want to know their birth parents and that they should be ashamed for even wanting to…
In all fairness to Ken towards Jon & Kate, he constantly reminds readers in his recaps that he enjoyed the show way before the controversial ‘break-up’ period that made the couple tabloid fodder. While I also wonder why Ken gives so many recaps to a reality show he’s obviously conflicted over nowadays, I don’t think he supports everything the show’s producers have done lately. In that sense, he’s not contradicting himself…too much…
oh and the point of Lisa’s comment was that she is just not a tlaking tv head, she was also adopdted, so yes she sort of does know those kind of emotions, certainly more than just a regular tv host. Ty pennington can empathize with people who need a new home, but doesn’t know those feelings exactly. Lisa was saying I have really been in your shoes. Wow. quite harsh of you!
I turned it right off. I’m not into emotional exploitation porn.
that is a great term you just penned… emotional exploitation porn… Extreme Makeover definately belongs in THAT category…
I am going to have to work that phrase (EEP) into a sentence tomorrow!
HA HA HA. I LOVE THAT PHRASE!!!!
How is this show any different from Extreme Makeover Home Edition or Jon & Kate, which you salivate over?
This is a total copycat of WE’s “The Locator”!!!
I’ll stick with THE LOCATOR.
The Locator is more sensitive and respectful – the people featured on it seem to genuinely need closure or answers – sometimes the answer is not what they had hoped.
Plus the guy on The Locater walks away once they’re introduced. Love that show.
I agree – LOVE The Locator. It seems more genuine…especially the host, Troy Dunn. Those two on Find My Family were just unappealing and didn’t seem sincere. Troy thinks things through before he sets out to find someone, like the mother who had an alcohol problem: he was really worried about that. And even Troy admitted that sometimes reuniting people doesn’t work out for the best.
As a whole, I just find The Locator sooo much better.
jean. Same tree,same path , same bench,same stories. Couldnt take much to write it.
As someone who is adopted, I find it frustrating that there is the stereotype that we are always trying to find our “real parents”. I knew when I first saw the commercial for FMF that I would absolutely disagree with the show’s agenda and I see I was not wrong.
The woman in the episode last night was not trying to find her birth parents, she said she never wanted to. But this was a unique case where her parents were teenagers when she was born and got married years later, so I found it only natural that they always thought about her because she was the first child they had together, and then went on to have three more. I didn’t get the impression at all that this was meant to represent every person who has ever been adopted–clearly a unique set of circumstances, as i’m sure every adoption is.
Yes, my brother-in-law is adopted and has no desire to find the bio-parents. And why should he? He has the loving parents who adopted him and raised him.
thanks genifur. I did watch the show just to see how it would really go and it did bring tears to my eyes. I am also adopted and reunited with my bio mom a few years ago and for anyone to say they have a clue is ignorant. Every person and every experience is different. It took 3 years before I agreed to meet her and it hasn’t been easy for my real (adoptive) parents. Its not always happy happy. And for someone to make a split decision is hurtful, something the show won’t capture I’m sure and probably harmful in the long term. Good luck to the families.
So I suppose if they have an episode where the person is found but doesn’t want to be on tv… No. Wait a minute! You mean someone won’t want to be on TV? Phone the kids and wake the neighbors!
Doesn’t this apparently desperate need for biological families to be reunited somewhat undermine the years of hard work, love and care that goes into parenting by the adoptive parents? Of course people have every right to know how they came into the world and what/who led them into the life they were ultimately given, if they want to know that, but the theory that this discovery is going to completely change their life for the better in some fundamental spiritual way is dishonest and nonsensical. As you said, Ken, the reality of something like this is messy and complicated, even if it can be a positive experience for some.
I agree with you 100%!
As an adoptive parent, I too heartily agree with your comments. I had not heard about this how till I heard the promos in DWTS. I got a knot in my stomach but decided to watch and keep an open mind. While the story was touching and I did get misty-eyed, I kept thinking that these situations are so much more complex that what they are showing them to be. I called my adopted daughter and asked her if shere were watching and her answer to me was, “Ma, why would I watch a show called FIND MY FAMILY? YOU are my family and I never lost you.” Good answer – don’t you think?
The perfect answer! It annoys me to no end that this show is called “Find My FAMILY.”
I think what a reunion would provide is a sense of closure for the adoptee. It’s not necessarily going to completely change their life, but it will provide some answers for both parties. Speaking as an adoptee, I would love the chance to meet my birth mother. For me, the opportunity to thank her for her decision would give me enough closure to move on with my life.
perfect example right there! There is always two sides of the story and no two stories are alike!
Agree completely, tatiana. I am an adoptee, and while I in no way want to “undermine the years of hard work, love and care” that my real parents have provided me and my adoptive brother, I still just want to know. I can’t believe anyone would feel offended that a person would want to know about her roots, even if the information doesn’t really mean much.
I think part of what Ken might be trying to get to is that the show makes it out that finding your “family” is a shiny, happy experience filled with sunshine and puppies and flowers. But in reality, these reunions can be painful, fraught with complications, and can bring up unexpected emotions. Expecting every reunion to be a wholesome, touching experience is unrealistic. I haven’t watched FMF yet, but as an adoptee, I’m not sure how I’d react to it – the idea of it has already stirred up some conflicting feelings.
My sister has thankfully had the shiny happy experience when reunited with her son. Other friends not so much. How would this show deal with that?
Good question! My daughter wanted to find her bio dad, even though I discussed the issue with her that it would not be a good idea, she did it anyway. She found out that her bio dad denied her existance, and his family was extremely irrate with her.
The description of emotional explotative porn is very good. I feel creepy watching shows like Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Find My Family, or John and Kate.
why do you guys have a problem with extreme makeover home edition?
that show is a wonderful show that helps buid new homes for people that are less fortunate. For example they build a wheel chair access home for one of their children that cerebral palsy.
It just amazes me how so many people here are so negative and dont like to show emotions. People can be so cold sometimes!
I only tuned in at the last five, but that’s because there was no new Gossip Girl and I was waiting for Castle to start.
Seriously, Ken Tucker has not been this bad before. What has happened to you? It’s like you’re writing just to write and follow an agenda. Overpraising the turd glee, praising Adam Lambert’s performance, writing endlessly about Jon & Kate.
AMEN!! EXACTLY!
ken is a sad, sad man.
Who watches this crap? People exploiting themselves and their emotions for a shot to be on TV? Some things do not need to be done in front of TV cameras. If you’re watching these types of shows, you should seriously ask yourself why. Exploitation isn’t entertainment.
once you people make it seem like they are forcing them to be on the show and cry! Nobody force them if that was the case they would be a lawsuit, secondly, most of the people that go on those shows can careless what other people think of them. Sometimes they also go on this shows to inspired other people to also find their biolical parents. Everyone has a different reason to do things.
I wouldn’t say these people are on this show “for a shot to be on TV”…as an adoptee, who searched for years for her birthparents, I would have done just about anything I could to find them. This show might just be the the answer to some people’s prayers who have done everything they can and are out of options. Every situation is different and not every adopted person wants to find their birth family, but some do. Unless you are adopted you have no right to judge, there is no way you could understand the feelings, emotions and needs we have. Even though I have great parents and have had a great life…I needed to find my birth family to fill a void/place inside of me (which is hard to describe) and ask the questions I’ve wanted answers to for years. My parents were very supportive of me finding my birth family and in no way did my search take away from the love I have for my family.
I think this show is great and am happy for everyone that is able to have a reunion because of it.
The show won’t be “reuniting” people who don’t want to meet. All parties involved want to be there…so what’s the problem?
And I agree with those who pointed out the things that regularly receive support on this site. EW writers (and pop culture vultures in general) seem to feel the need to reject anything positive in favor of shilling for cynical nastiness. Their lives must be very empty and sad.
Why the name ‘cattyfan?’ Was sarahpalin already taken? I know it saves time, but don’t make generalizations.
Ken is very clear what he thinks of Jon and Kate versus what its intentions were. The Adam Lambert thing is not relevant here. So Kne liked it. I hated it, I hate Adam Lambert and am entitled to that opinion. Unlike you, though, I tend to think people are entitled to one, even if it differs from mine.
Joe…I didn’t mention any “pop sensations” in particular…and am unclear what Sarah Palin might have to do with this. Nor did I comment in any way that people aren’t entitled to their opinions, as I’m a firm believer in free speech. I merely noted that most pop culture bloggists tend to skew toward the cynical, and hate anything that might be positive or (gasp) mainstream.
That you choose to infer anything political from that says far more about you than about me.
yes!!
Well put cattyfan!
abc- please press the cancel button…NOW!
I switched channels as soon as it started.
This show is so wrong for so many reasons.