Well, there’s been a great response to my “Write Your Own True Blood Episode” competition. The idea was to write a brief summary of an episode that could have aired tonight, an off-week for True Blood before the series’ season-ender next Sunday.
There were two strong patterns in the hundreds of entries I read. I would say that the majority of you are on Team Eric over Team Bill. (Memo to Alan Ball and the True Blood writing staff: Based purely on this anecdotal evidence, you may want to consider making Bill a bit more pro-active next season to balance things out.)
And a lot of you included some variation on ” …and Jason has his shirt off the entire time… ” in your fantasies — er, entries.
My great thanks to everyone who took the time and effort to write in. Here, without further ado, are the winners in the best-written, funniest, and sexiest categories:
BEST ENTRY, SHORT DIVISION:
B.E.V. Thu 09/03/09 1:32 PM
Bill drags Sam to Maryann to be sacrificed. Sam is unwillingly persuaded to be “offered” in order to save Sookie. As Sookie watches horrified and restrained by Eggs, Tara, and Lafayette, Eric returns from the Queen’s and destroys Maryann and saves Sam. Sookie is revolted by Bill’s actions toward Sam, turns her back on him and thanks Eric with a hug that is riddled with conflicted feelings and sexual tension. Jason and Andy burst onto the scene in a “Rambo-esque” fashion, only the battle is already over. While the townsfolk are recovering from their zombie-like state… Eggs takes the egg and disappears. Fade to black.
BEST ENTRY, LONG DIVISION:
TJ Fri 09/04/09 8:31 PM
[EDITED SLIGHTLY FOR SPACE: KT]
Sookie manages to escape Lafayette, and make it downstairs. There she runs into MaryAnn once again. Sookie, unable to use her new-found ability to stop MaryAnn, is saved by Jason and Andy, who are attacking from outside of the house. A bullet hits MaryAnn, and she slams Sookie down, telling her to stay put. MaryAnn arrives behind Andy and Jason, and suddenly shoves a knife into Andy’s back. Jason quickly fires bullets at MaryAnn, but is unable to hurt her. Jason realizes the gun is of no use, and punches MaryAnn in her face. As his fingers touch MaryAnn, the same glowing effect is shown that happened to Sookie when she touched MaryAnn in episode 10. MaryAnn, still curious as to what Sookie/Jason are, knocks him out and drags him inside to join Sookie (who is also knocked out). Bill, knowing Sookie is in danger, puches Sam knocking him out as well. Bill picks Sam up, and heads to MaryAnn. Eric and the Queen have some fun, and finally she tells Eric some more about Maenads. Eric and the Queen have a longer past, and she trusts him more than Bill. Sookie, who is having a dream of Eric again, now has Lafayette in her dream as well. The Lafayette in her dream is Lafayette’s mind (which has been replaced with MaryAnn’s influence). Sookie and Lafayette are able to speak telepathicaly, because of their bond with Eric, whick also bonds them in a way. Sookie manages to awake Lafayette from being possesed by MaryAnn. Lafayette, who was outside with Tara and Eggs, runs inside the house. He sees Sookie and Jason on the floor (tied). Lafayette remembers a image of the egg upstairs, and knows of its key role in MaryAnn’s ritual. Lafayette runs to detroy the egg, but sees that MaryAnn is already there (doing her shaking thing while holding the egg). MaryAnn does not notice Lafayette, as she is deep in motion. Lafayette realizes he has time, and decides to rescue Sookie and Jason. The three flee from the home. MaryAnn goes downstairs, and sees that the three are gone. Bill arrives, offering Sam in trade for Sookie. MaryAnn agrees, and has Tara and Eggs take Sam. Bill asks for Sookie, but MaryAnn replies saying she is gone. Bill realizes he has made a mstake, and tries to save Sam. MaryAnn easily defeats Bill, and he flees. Bill arrives at his house, where Jessica, Sookie, Jason, and Lafayette are. The five of them try to come up with a plan to ave Sam. Sookie can’t believe that Bill actually turned Sam in; Bill says he did it out of love for Sookie. Jason mourns Andy, who was killed by MaryAnn. The five are attacked by an army of MaryAnn’s followers. Sookie and Jason are taken, the rest defeated, and left in Bill’s home (which is set on fire). Eric and the Queen arrive at Bill’s home, and rescue Bill, Jessica, and Lafayette. MaryAnn speaks to Sookie at her house, and explains that she will have Sookie kill Sam. The ritual begins, and Jason must watch as MaryAnn tries to make Sookie murder Sam. Sam tells Sookie that it is okay, and that it is the only way MaryAnn will leave the town. MaryAnn has Hoyt’s mother bring her the casserole Maxine made, which turns out to be something MaryAnn must eat before her God arrives from the egg. MaryAnn takes a lick of the casserole, and starts to shake uncontrollably. Eric, Bill, The Queen, and Jessica attack the ritual gang. MaryAnn turns into her true self, and explodes. Eric explains that he put Fairy blood in Maxine’s casserole ealier on, when she was on her way to the ritual. Fairy blood is MaryAnn’s greatest weakness. Sookie and Jason both tell of how they would glow when MaryAnn touched them, and the Queen explains that they are related to a Fairy from way back when. The season ends with Jessica leaving with the Queen, Sookie ignoring Bill (because he turned Sam over to Mary Ann), and with Tara and Eggs finally happy together.
THE FUNNIEST ENTRY:
Anne Fri 09/04/09 4:18 PM
There is a Twilight-True Blood crossover in which it turns out that Eric is a Cullen who got tired of hanging around with those goody two-shoes. The Cullens come to Bon Temps to talk some sense into him, and end up getting eaten by Maryann (they are a special kind of sparkly vampire that she CAN control). Bacchus is displeased with this sacrifice and destroys all the humans in the town. Hungry and angry, the vampires run amuck. Buffy comes and saves the day and offers to introduce Bill to Angel, so that they can give each other brooding tips. Sookie (the only human survivor) and Eric live happily ever after. Oh, and somewhere along the way, Eric lost his clothes.
The Sexiest Entry:
Holly Thu 09/03/09 2:00 PM
Eric in his birthday suit. (That is the entire episode.)
So, TB fans: What do you think? How psyched are you for next week’s True Blood season finale?
Comments (1-30) of 77 Add your comment
ha ha!!!! i would watch eric in his birthday suit anyday, anytime! and i love how angel and bill will share brooding tips. i laughed out loud at that one.
Agreed that’s the best one and the one about Buffy is absolutely Hilarious. The first one is the way I think events will actually unfold…minus the part about Eggs running off with the egg.
These are so funny but also the long entry was really good and actually makes sense from the book stand-point. congrats to those entries. Anne yours was hilarious.
Godric comes back to life because Alan Ball realized that not ending the season with his storyline was a huge mistake.
@de montreal. So agree about Godric. He was terrific and Eric relationship with him was out standing performance. I never expected that.
I so agree about Godric. That would have been a better ending. Eric’s loyalty to him the moment before he died by a showing of tears and mourning was outstanding.
I love the short form
These are pretty good, esp the long and short ones
my favorite was the Twilight-crossover one…tho if only Maryann would have come into Breaking Dawn and made that book worth my time…o well…lol.
Congrats to the winners! This was great fun and certainly helped to fill the episode gap this week. What an imaginative group we TB fans are!
These were the dumbest, stupidest and unrealistic stories I have ever heard and I know Alan Ball and the writers are 100 times smarter then these idiots and won’t follow any of these plots. PEOPLE GET THE BOOK VERSION OUT OF YOUR HEADS AND A**ES AND DON’T SHOVE THE ERIC AND SOOKIE STORY DOWN OUR THROATS BECAUSE IT WAS IN THE BOOKS. THE REASON WHY PEOPLE WERE SO TURNED ON BY THE SHOW WAS BECAUSE OF BILL AND THE GROWING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HIM AND SOOKIE! I AM SO SICK AND TRIED OF HEARING THIS SH*T AND SHAME ON WEBSITES LIKE THIS WHO DO NOT MAINTAIN A NEUTRAL VOICE.
Lighten up!!! It’s all in good fun.
OMG! You can tell in the show that Sookie and Eric have the most chemistry. The show does follow the basic storyline from the books and in the books SOOKIE AND ERIC do get together…we don’t know if they stay together, but it DOES happen!
Oh look! A Bill fan! Why are you mad? Cause all the picked stories have Eric and Sookie together at the end? Don’t worry, Allan Ball loves Bill even if the fans are turning their lust to the blond viking!
Dude relax! This is just a joke! You obviously don’t have a sense of humor or you would realize this… I love all the stories… especially the sexiest entry
Ummm…I think those of us who read the books liked Bill from the beginning. Oh there were times (as on the show) you wanted to hit him upside the head because he was such a Neanderthal…but on the whole Bill was ok.
It took 3 books to realize the depths of Bill…and not all in a good way.
Eric was barely there for the first two books and in the 3rd he’s still not a major player. Eric plays it cool. Yes, he’s manipulative at times…but he never once hurts Sookie. Bill? You can’t say that.
Bill = petulant child. Eric = cool and level headed.
The show should hold true to the books in one way or another. The slight tweaks here and there have been great (i.e. Jason not being a complete and utter a** and Lafayette not dying)…some have been terrible (i.e. Maryann…Tara’s mom…and even to a degree Tara herself).
Bill is and always will be a part of this story. Don’t worry. He’s not getting staked. Though there are times when you wish he bloody well had been.
This was just meant as a fun way to tide us over until the season finale. It’s NOT Ken Tucker’s fault that most of the fans prefer Eric/Sookie. But about E/S, they have more chemistry and the love/hate relationship they have is what appeals to so many. Their numbers will only increase in the off season b/c more people are reading or will read the books. These books are based on the SSN so the E/S relationship will only become more prominent on the show. There is a reason that the vast majority of fans prefer E/S. It *is* the main relationship in the books.
I know right? after book 2 Bill starts becoming a secondary character, and Eric the main vampire of the series, the main storylines revolve around him and sookie spends the next 7 books having this undefined but intimate relationship with him, bill is pretty much out of the picture in the romantic department.
I know this is an adaptation and there are changes, but the show follows the basic storyline of the books and this is too big to change.
Uhh actually Alan Ball said that the love triangle would play out like it did in the books. ERgo around Season 4 Eric and Sookie will be getting it on.
I am sorry to say this. DarkBloodyVamp posts the most hateful rants everywhere. She (or he) IMO is beyond obsesson. This is just a TV show and book series. It should be fun. Let the madness stop. Enjoy it for what it is.
LMFAO Bitter, much?
Seriously, darkbloodyvamp…lighten up! As you can see from my handle, I was a Bill fan and started watching the show first, then read the books, and have been converted to Eric being my main vamp.
That being said, it the chemistry between Eric and Sooks is undeniable. And none of the entries posted even says Sooks goes with Eric, just that she turns away from Bill. Sad to say Sookie doesn’t even deserve Eric in my opinion. I love the show but Sookie seemed like such a shrew this season until she was tricked into taking Eric’s blood.
This was a contest in fun, and the entries most likely are not by professional writers. DBV does a disservice by belittling their entries. I give anyone credit for writing…I have yet to get the nerve to do it although I have a fan fiction story sort of done…
ROFLMAO This is for sure the funniest entry of all. XD The Eric vs. Bill / Books vs. Show thingy is so ridiculous that’s actually becoming quite hilarious as it goes by. Don’t ever chill, reading your senseless bickering is crack up worthy. XD lol
lol
you’re just some lame Bill fan who can’t handle the fact that Eric is going to become the leading man from S3 and all season thereafter.
Sorry baby, that’s the way it’s on the books, and that’s the way it’ll be on the show. Move on
These were hilarious! Eric in his birthday suit would make for a great episode! Anytime!
I really llike the first story were eric saves the day. I hope that happens/
I found the stories amusing(well maybe not the long one).
The last poster needs to get over it. More people like Eric then Bill, thats why all the above stories(written by fans) include Eric with Sookie or Eric naked.
I’ve read the books and just because Eric and Sookie are together has no influence on why I want him and her together on the show. Seriously, let people have their say and their fantasies. I love Bill, but Eric is sooo much more sexier and intense in the show. And the dreams that Sookie has about Eric only make it all that much better! Team Eric!
I don’t even watch the series or read the books, and I can tell you with absolute honesty that I would watch any of these ‘episodes’ if I had HBO. I’ve seen pictures of the cast and seeing Eric in his birthday suit would be fine by me! they all sound really exciting!! Good job guys
There are websites where you can actually watch the series for free on the internet, that’s how I’ve been watching the series for the past year now.
http://www.yidio.com/show/true-blood
Love Buffy saving the day!!
darkbloodyvamp needs to lightenup. This was all just for fun while we wait for the True Blood finale–loved the funny and sexy plots–lol
I wish the Twilight crossover was real, because it’d mean obliterating those sparklepires once and for all.
And I’d watch Alexander Skarsgard read the phone book if he did it naked.
Shoot…he wouldn’t even have to be naked but it would certainly be a nice bonus.
I would also like to second the idea of watching Eric read the phone book naked! I have read the books also and I have to say without reading them I would STILL find Eric way more yummy then Bill.
“Buffy comes and saves the day and offers to introduce Bill to Angel, so that they can give each other brooding tips.”
LOOOOOL xD But! Angel pwns Bill in every single way, so…
Honestly Eric needs to be naked in every episode so that made me happy… I also like how these fake stories totally tied up all the loose ends left by this season and shows a little bit of what could happen next season… If only Alan Ball read these posts
I’m surprised no one started with Andy and Jason breaking in first and in three seconds, Maryann takes control of them and then Roll Credits to start the episode. After that, I’m all for Bill, Eric or even Sheriff Dearborn saving the day, provided he finds his pants.
The books are a fun read, and don’t take anything away from the TV series. If anything,
Charlaine Harris paved the road and Alan Ball is taking us for a fantastic ride.
I am Team Sookie, because after all the main story is her self exploration and self-awareness of her special abilities. I hope Alan Ball will allow her character to experience other sexual encounters, namely Eric and a certain shape-shifter. It’ll be more interesting then a love story of just she and Bill.
Am I the only one that thinks Bill is sexier than Eric?
NO YOU ARE NOT!!!!!! I’m a book reader and I never got Eric at all and I sill don’t, I love Bill. Bill is love. Eric is sex. I’m shocked at some of the things I read on this site and DO NOT have the same view of Eric and Sookie even after reading the books. I still LOVE Bill and Sookie and always will. I try to stay away from the comments on this site so I dont upset myself over something so dumb. But Eric fans are so cruel I think it says A LOT about what sort of people are drawn to someone like Eric
Aw come on. Bill fans can be just as cruel. I think its a shame that it happens on either side. Love who you love. Please, dont point fingers. To criticize the character of people who like Eric? I’m sure you dont mean to come off so sanctimonious.
“But Eric fans are so cruel I think it says A LOT about what sort of people are drawn to someone like Eric.”
Then, you’re talking about 90% of the fandom. It’s not Eric or ASkars fault that he’s the most popular character on TV and the books. It’s just the way it is. You’re saying Eric fans are cruel, but you’re being cruel yourself(as a Bill fan). Yeah…
Ok, maybe that was out of line. but the only thing I said about Eric was that I don’t get him. I was not cruel to him in any way and the fact is, that this has nothing to do with him. I think ASkars is HOT as hell, and I would like him more if I didn’t feel like it’s at the expense others. You should be able to say good things about who you like without running some els into the ground. It sucks all the fun out of this show. AND 90% OF FANDOM??? Umm ok, if you say so.
Kitty, I just want to comment that it would be appreciated to not make a blanket statement about Eric fans. They are not cruel. There are a few crazies out there who give the Eric fans a bad name. The same can be said for extreme Bill fans. I personally am a Vampwich Vixen and would rather see Sookie with Eric, but I doubt that will happen in the end either.
Fine, you don’t get Eric. You are entitled to your opinion. Just don’t lump a group together based on the characteristics of the few. Thanks.
I already said that was out of line. Not all Eric fans, but it sure seems like most of them.
the whole “The hate for bill comes from the eric fangirls” argument is just an excuse to justify the fact that Bill is just a simple, uninteresting, boring character. Audiences and readers are drawn to more complex, esciting and interesting characters, hell, if I wanted to see a regular guy I’ll take a look at the street, that’s the poing of watching tv shows and stuff, to be entertained, this is supposed to be fun and exciting.
I have always found Bill very sexy…I keep seeing him walking into Merlottes in Episode 1. I have a strong feeling that Alan Ball is going to bring back sexy as hell in season 3.
I am an Eric fan myself, however I Do hope they bring back sexy Bill from the 1st episode.It will make the triangle and storyline more exciting. Bill this season was just so boring and sanctimonious that I couldn’t stand him. While Bill in the books is not my favorite character I didn’t find him this annoying. I am hoping for a better season 3 than 2.
Oh and I found all the stories funny. I would love to see the 2 brooding vamps compare notes. It’s all in good fun!
No, but you are the minority. If you put Eric and Bill next to each other, how could you NOT pick the TALL, beautiful blond with the piercing blue eyes. His voice is even sexy….every inch of Alex is gorgeous. Sorry……need to take a cold shower now!
Okay, so I’m one of these few that does not have any imagination, I have to see the TV/Movie to know what the characters look like. Sad but true, I adored Godric, still like Bill best, Eric is sexy, and Sookie is adorable. Now as for Twilight, sorry but I’m hooked on all of them and the books.
You just can’t go wrong with Eric in his Birthday Suit!!!
All 3 were entertaining in there own way.
Angel meeting Bill for brooding lessons was laugh out loud funny.
The Long version had some nice detail and intresting storylines.
The short version was short but VERY sweet !
The funny one wasn’t that funny, except for the Buffy and Angel references. I can’t look at Angel anymore and not think “Special Agent Booth”!
OMG !! I so agree with you on your Angel comment and not think if “Special Agent Booth” LMAO. Just too funny!
Thank you Ken Tucker for fun way to pass the time waiting for the finale.
This is also very funny and I thought all you might enjoy it… it is a fan vid “Hitler is Pissed at HBO”. (BTW. the movie this is from is really great too.)
I really liked the long version up until the fairy part – seemed too far fetched. But I think it would be cool for Jason to demonstrate a special power. Poor Andy.
Man, imagine an article like this with as many references to male fans obsessing over the women of the show. Not saying any of you are wrong for expressing sexuality, but a similar article with men drooling would be deemed perverted/gross and wrong and never make it onto the site. Just a statement of the times, I guess.
I am Team Eric all the way!! We better see the demise of Bill pretty soon or TB will lose some viewers:(
i think sookie and bill will be together to much love for sookie