Announcement: Write your own 'True Blood' episode!

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As we all know, there’s no new True Blood episode this Labor Day weekend. The season finale is Sept. 13.

But should we do without True Blood this weekend? Hell, no! Today I’m inviting you to participate in my “Write Your Own True Blood Episode” competition.

Here’s the deal:

Starting now until Sunday at 9 a.m. EST, please use the Comments section below to write a quick summary of the True Blood episode you wish was airing this Sunday, Sept. 6.

All I’d like is a few sentences, sketching the outline of a plot. You can keep it simple: Describe an episode in a way similar to those “log lines” that your cable provider gives you. You know, like, “Bill asks the Vampire Queen for help; Sookie and Lafayette try to save Tara but encounter an angry Maryann” — that sort of thing. (If you want to refresh your memory about last week’s episode, here’s my Watching TV blog on it.)

The key is to describe plot and character elements that fit into the current storyline, that you know would please and amuse show creator Alan Ball, book author Charlaine Harris, and be fun for your fellow fans. It’s your chance to write the imaginary second-to-last episode of Season Two!

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Sound like fun? Try it; you don’t have to write a long entry.

And on Sunday night, Sept. 6, at 9 p.m. EST, when True Blood would usually air a new episode, I’ll announce some winners in a few categories: The Best Written, The Funniest, The Craziest. (Maybe the Sexiest. But keep the language clean, you sly filthy fangsters.) No prizes except for the fun of being picked and enjoying everyone’s take on Bill, Sookie, Eric, Maryann, and all our favorites.

Ready? On your mark, get set, go! Start writing your own True Blood episode below!

Comments (387 total) Add your comment
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  • Ben

    Jason gets closer to Andy and discovers why women weren’t the reason for Andy’s anger towards Jason. Bill and Eric reluctantly join forces to save Sookie from Tara, Lafayette and Eggs. Sam changes back to a dog and urinates on Mary Ann’s leg. A spirit arrives at the end of the episode to confront Mary Ann for control of Bon Temps: Adele Stackhouse. Adele is less than pleased by the defiling of her old earthly home.

    • Amanda

      Jason gets closer to Andy and discovers why women weren’t the reason for Andy’s anger towards Jason.

      This is funny, believable, and EXACTLY how it would be phrased in a synopsis. Well done.

    • Tori

      Man, I wish Adele Stackhouse would return and kick ass, that’d be awesome!

    • Gina

      The Adele Stackhouse return to confront MaryAnn would be fantastic!! Especially since she has destroyed her home. Sookie should not forgive Tara so quickly. Sookie is not dumb as the last episode portrayed her to be. She is the one who figures everything out in the books. Bill is her hero, Eric cares only for himself. Hoyt turns to Jessica after his mother’s revelation of his father. Jason and Andy become the best of friends. Sheriff Dearborn goes back to square dancing.

    • Jason Pierre

      “A New Scent”
      Eric senses Sookie in danger and decides to intervene as Bill is momentarily preoccupied with stopping a maddened Jessica from tearing through the town of Bon Temps. All the while, Jason and Andy give chase to what they think is more of MaryAnne’s wild creations, but Sam, transformed, identifies them as a new scent, with a whole different type of fur.

  • Jennifer

    Maryanne kills everyone in Bon Temps, Bill and Eric escape to Texas to tag team a cute blonde who has been trying to summon them for the last 2 seasons…perfect.

    • Elizabeth

      HA! Me likey.

      • Shawn

        you win in my book lol

  • Philip

    Sookie makes a nice omelette with the egg she discovered in Gran’s bed.

    • Aski

      This is really smart n funny. And also maybe inlet egg white since I’m trying to lose some weight. It’d be very inspirational.

  • allyse

    Now that Sookie is trapped in Maryannes madness back in Bon Temps, Bill, Eric and Sam must all work together to save her and the town from destruction. Upon the death of Eggs, Tara and Sam once again find solace in one another while trying to destroy Maryanne.

  • agent227

    Eggs, Tara, and Lafayette, all seemingly under Maryann’s control, use a captive Sookie to lure Sam, Bill, and a very reluctant Eric to the ‘den of sacrifice’. Unbeknownst to Bill, Eric’s effort to recruit Queen Sophie-Ann to help in their efforts has worked, contingent upon the promise of a willing Sookie as reward. Jason and Andy continue their own efforts to foil Maryann, only to find themselves in hot water, literally. Maryann is under the impression that Andy Belflour’s meatiness, as well as Jason Stackhouse’s most famous asset, stewed to perfection, would be the perfect accompaniment to her chosen sacrifice. As for who she chooses, Bill is now convinced that if he persuades Maryann to choose Sam, Sookie will be safe from harm, which of course doesn’t jibe well with our heroine. The appearance of two surprise allies will give Sookie new hope of defeating Maryann.

    *the surprise allies being Tara and Lafayette, who were only pretending to be under the control of Maryann.

    • Amanda

      I would love it and totally believe it if the Queen wanted Sookie. Lorena should come back and say “She wants the girl, William. Let her have her.” Maybe there are lesbian sex dreams because why not.

    • agent227

      Here here for some girl on girl or boy on boy sex dreams on True Blood! Also, after a trip to IMDB, it appears as though I spelled Andy Bellefleur’s name gloriously wrong. My bad.

  • Jenn

    At the Queens Eric is pinned to the floor by an angry Quenn who tells him to stop Bill from asking about her V selling business. She then tells Eric to go watch Bill and tells him to act like the god Who comes to vanquish Mary Ann. In the mean time Maryann starts her sacrifice with Sam having been delivered by bad Bill, Just as Eggs starts to stab Sam, Flying Eric appears giving Sam the chance to turn into a lion and devour MaryAnn. Eggs, Mike and Jane are killed in the process. Laffy is mortally wounded so Eric turns him. Everybody is happy, Sookie dreams of dancing with Bill but Eric cuts in and she finishes the dream dancing with Eric.She wakes up. She runs to Bill’s just in time to see him being kidnaped by
    a group of Weres–next season

    • Lyonene

      Sound amazing!

  • Obscure

    After receiving guidance from the Queen, Eric returns to Bon Temps with a magical battle axe that allows him to kill Maryann. Meanwhile, Jason and Andy start a private detective agency, but are hindered in their efforts by a sullen Vampire Bill who possess a mysterious amount of knowledge about town zoning bylaws. Jessica and Hoyt share a romantic reunion over the dismembered corpse of Hoyt’s mother, whom Eric also killed. While all of this is happening, Eggs dies on the way back to his home planet.

    • marchie

      …a sullen Vampire Bill who possess a mysterious amount of knowledge about town zoning bylaws…

      BRILLiant.

    • Bunny

      Love it! “Eggs dies on the way back to his home planet” LMAO!

    • bo

      dude, hilarious. well put lol

    • Pam’s Girl

      Love the idea of Jason and Andy starting their own private detective agency. That could be its own show. And I must agree Eggs returning to his home planet is hilarious!

  • Leigh Ann

    Sookie takes revenge on Maryann by burning her offering while Bill and Erik organize their army of vampires to descend on Bon Temps to defeat Maryann. Layfayette hits the web and locates an experienced witch doctor who conjures up a spell to release everyone from the influence that Maryann has over the town. Jason still insists that he can organize the vampires and defeat Maryann to save his town with his brute strength and spiritual training. Maryann has decided to find Sam herself since her incompetent followers failed.

    • Pam’s Girl

      Nice one. I like the idea of Lafayette just getting on the web and solving the problem. I can just him him tossing his head, snapping his fingers, and telling the vamps, “Hookers please, ain’t no m****f**** need for all these dramatics.”

    • Rolando

      Talk about being bewitched, bhotered and bewildered! The dancing furniture has become quite confusing.The pictures you mention Renee, reminded me, that Bill had some pictures that moved around rather than morphing. It was mentioned somewhere, but I can’t remember.As to sound frequencies being used as a trigger, MA used that very high pitched squeal to control the zombies when they came to tell her that the god who comes, came and smote Sam. She again used it at the wedding ceremony after Dimitri/a was felled.

  • CraigO

    Opening scene finds Sookie awakening from a crazy dream that featured a giant egg and an unnecessary speech about house parties being worse than rape.

    As she walks down stairs to greet Bill in the living room, she sighs in relief that all the past week’s crazyness in Dallas and the subsequent quick and well written ending to MaryAnn is behind them.

    Suddenly, the Queen appears to deliever a sad message about Sookie’s cousin. But before she can complete it, a Werewolf attacks. Sookie screams….cut to black…credits roll.

    Oh and Jason shoots Eggs..by accident…and it’s somehow hilarious and totally forgiveable because, hey, it’s Jason!

    • Elizabeth

      I love the part about Jason – hilarious!

    • Ben

      It’s also forgivable because, hey, he only shot Eggs.

  • mindy

    The mayhem in Bon Temps comes to a head as the vampires and non-zombies come together for an all out massacre. Maryann is killed in a fangtastically gruesome first ten minutes and then Sookie stomps on the creepy egg. The rest of the hour is used to set up season 3. Lorena takes Bill, Jessica stakes herself over her grief and Eric sends Alcide the Werewolf to take Sookie to Mississippi to find Bill. Tara is left to clean up Bon Temps with the threat of exile or exanguination if everything is not back to its rights by the end of the episode. Fade to black.

    • psychopomp

      they BETTER put alcide in next season! if they don’t i could cry.

      • barr

        Agreed. He’s my favourite character, I think, of the series.

    • Gina

      Having Tara clean up the town or else would be great.

  • Justy

    While Eric and Bill bicker over the terms of Queen Sophie-Anne’s engagement in the matters of Bon Temps, bride-to-be Maryann is sacrificed at her own wedding by an increasingly seasoned Sookie who takes matters into her own hands. Andy and Jason pull Sam out of hot water. Maryann’s spell broken, an unexpected visitor arrives. Will the visitor bring redemption or new trouble for the town?

  • Kate

    So, I have always thought that “Dead to the World” could be one episode as opposed to a whole season. Sookie is coming home and sees a figure by the side of the road running, she slows, it is Eric, he doesn’t remember her, she takes him in and learns from Pam that he is in danger, this Eric is different, sort of, he is the Eric we have glimpsed without the bravado and snarkiness. He is everything that Sookie would want, and he doesn’t lie which Bill sort of does, and they fall in love. Then Pam figures out what is wrong and gets the witches responsible to fix Eric and when they do, he doesn’t remember his time with Sookie and Sookie knows she can’t tell him because that will give him the control he was looking for over her.

    • Stacey

      I forgot to add a line to ‘The Birds’:
      Mary Anne’s dangerous game of chicken means she’ll have to eat crow when ‘he comes’ to Bon Temps.

    • Alaerys

      Eric naked in a shower could not possibly be contained to one episode. Then there’s the whole ‘witch war’ thing, which we need.. cuz it seems Sookie’s the catalyst for a bunch of wars. “Witch War” “Shifter War.” “Faerie War.” It goes on.

    • trashytvlover

      its called write your own episode, not recap the fourth book, sweetie

  • Stacey

    ‘For the Birds’

    Jason explains to Andy that there’s only one Batman and he needs a Robin, Sam decides that the safest thing for him is to take flight, lovebirds Jessica and Hoyt make-up after their first spat and as Tara and Eggs continue to build their nest, Sookie needs Bill to show up or her goose is cooked and we find that Eric and the Queen are birds of a feather.

    • San

      wow. that was amazing.

    • Maeve

      love it!

  • Mindy K

    Maryann’s head explodes when she actually witnesses her more corpulent “frenziers” running around her alter of rotting meat; Jason has the best of intentions in destroying his town but screws it up in some mildly amusing way, all with his shirt off; and Sam and Eric manage to steal every moment of the show with just a few lines and facial expressions. Hopefully with their shirts off.

    • Karen

      Love it! Shirts off is a must!

    • Lyonene

      I would love to watch this!!!

    • Diana

      preferably more than shirts….

  • B.E.V.

    Bill drags Sam to Maryanne to be sacraficed. Sam is unwillingly persuaded to be “offered” in order to save Sookie. As Sookie watches horrified and restrained by Eggs, Tara, and Lafayette…Eric returns from the Queen’s and destroys Maryanne and saves Sam. Sookie is revolted by Bill’s actions toward Sam and turns her back on him and thanks Eric with a hug that is riddled with conflicted feelings and sexual tension. Jason and Andy burst onto the scene in “Rambo-esque” fashion, only it’s already over. While the towns folk are recovering from their zombie-like state…Eggs takes the egg and disappears. Fade to black.

    • Kim

      Oh.. I like this one. Well written.

    • trashytvlover

      oooo!!! Good one! Love this!!

    • Pam’s Girl

      I’m not sure which I like more, Eric saving the day and Sookie hugging him and being disgusted with Bill, or Jason and Andy barging in ready to save the day, just to realize the conflict is over already.

    • V

      Love it!!

    • Elle

      I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what actually happens…well, I’m not sure about the Eggs/egg part…he’ll definitely leave that world somehow, though. The Andy/Jason part sounds almost guaranteed, because it would fit their earnest, inadvertently-comical actions.

    • ferf

      Spot on!

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