'Big Brother 11' premiere: Muscles, boobs, and toilet seats

Jordan_l

How appropriate a way to start Big Brother 11: with an endurance competition in which the 12 new house-guests hung in the air in giant diapers, clinging onto toilet seats for as long as possible. This just about sums up the grotty appeal of the summer’s goofiest reality-game-show. Crudity is its own reward on this share-the-shower-mold series, and the season premiere did not disappoint.

As Craig Ferguson said to BB host Julie Chen on his own show Wednesday night, this is “a whole new batch of skanks and hos.” I’m not just talking about the bikini model who referred to herself as “this sweet bitch,” but also the neuroscientist who said she was “afraid that being smart would make me a target. In both cases, they proved that self-respect is the first thing that goes out the fogged-up window on Big Brother.

There’s nothing guilty about the pleasure I take in BB. This is junk-TV that always ends up revealing a lot about how people behave in groups, with cameras trained on them 24/7. And those revelations often surprise the players themselves as much as they do us.

One twist this season is to allow one contestant from an earlier season to re-enter the household. Last nnight, of four possible candidates, muscle-bound Jessie, from last season, was the one who lumbered back into the house, clutching his bag like a gorilla about to pounce. Since we know Jessie’s self-delusion is nearly limitless, I look forward to seeing him try to fit in with newbies like the mixed-martial-artist and the tae kwon do expert, both of whom will probably threaten his grinning superiority-complex.

Be sure to click over to the always-superlative Big Brother TV Watch recap written by my colleague, Jocular Josh Wolk. In the meantime, sound off below: Did you watch? Who are your early favorites, and the ones you want to see evicted as soon as possible?

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  • time4bedlam

    I was all set to enjoy this season and then that muscle-bound idiot Jessie went and ruined it for me.

  • Nicole

    I threw up in my mouth a little when Jesse’s face came on the screen.

  • Steve4reno

    Are you friggin kidding, OMG please shoot me I can;t wait until that blubbering idiot Jessie is kicked out on his butt. I would rather watch The Rosie Odonnel Variety show. Very dissappointing.

  • CV

    I wanted the brains to win so Brian would come back but at least it isn’t another season of Cowboy.

  • Michael

    Why Jesse?!? Out of all the returning players I wanted to see… why him?? I’d even take Evil Dick over him (and that’s saying a LOT!). The kid is an ego maniac and he makes me almost (keyword: ALMOST) not want to turn in. Also, what’s up with the lack of age difference? Where are the Jerry’s? The Chicken Georges?? The Renny’s (oh Renny, how i miss you!).

  • V. Cummins

    Jessie’s hot, he’s huge and the amout of jealousy held by the negative posts here about him is not a surprise.

  • Snarf

    Jessie’s back? How long was it before he doffed his shirt?

  • Jason

    CBS are you reading these???? You have RUINED my favorite summer guilty pleasure by having Jesse return. I am the biggest BB fan and am close to turning it off. Get rid of him.

  • JasonHomey

    Jordan kind of resembles Kate Bosworth. There are a lot of annoying people so far and not a lot of people to root for at first glance. Then again, I didn’t like Jessica at first seasons ago and she grew on me and showed me intelligence and I learned to like her. I was hoping she would go back in or Brian since he basically was never in last season in the first place. Jesse back in, barf.

  • Jason

    Not a Jesse fan, but at least it’s not more spineless Cowboy!
    I was rooting for Brian.

  • Mak

    Remember when we found out Survivor Ozzie had previously been on Playboy TV’s Foursome? The screen caps, the scandal?
    Well Braden also was on the show. I thought I recognized him. I looked it up. On Foursome, he introduced himself not as a surfer, but as a 27 year old entrepreneur. “I’ve got my own t-shirt line…started a limo service…I’ve got it all goin’ on…”

  • J.W.

    On Jesse: Having a head that is way too tiny for your gigantic body is NOT hot.

  • Al

    J.W. LOL I was thinking the same thing. Give me a properly proportioned body like Ryan Reynolds anyday. Looking at doofuses like Jesse make me think of how steroids have shrunken the parts we don’t see…..

  • Cherie

    I feel like alot of other people. Jess has a ugly “beetlejuice” body. Big body small head. Let me know when he gets kicked off, Then i will watch again.

  • Sandy

    I love the show, but why is there always only one older person, it’s not fair, then they’re always the outcast. Why can’t there be more people who are over 30 and that will eliminate having bimbos only?

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