David Letterman strolled out on stage last night with a wicked sore throat, but he soldiered on through his monologue… well, sort of. He gave up mid-way through and changed places with cue-card guy Tony Mendez, who did a pretty terrific job of delivering the one-liners:

Bandleader Paul Shaffer took over after Dave could only read #10 on the Top Ten list, delivering the yuks with the vigor of a Catskills tummler (ask your parents, kids).

Guest Jennifer Garner brought out hot tea and honey. Dave used the opportunity to do a little healing of his own, caring for Garner’s skinned knee… and arm, and hand…

Did you watch?

Did you miss seeing Better Off Ted tonight because it was pre-empted for the President’s press conference? Well, the creator of the show, Victor Fresco, was a tad (a ted?) put out too — after all, Better Off is struggling in the ratings, and doesn’t need a sudden yank from prime-time to further confuse its hardy band of viewers. So he whipped up this response to the Presidential airwave-domination, in the form of a fake commercial for the show’s company, Veridian Dynamics:

Let’s face it: ABC should be renewing Better Off Ted for this spot alone. And I’ll add: Save Better Off Ted! My campaign starts now. I’ll be writing about the show again next week.

But why wait? Tell me if you want Ted renewed, please.

MTV announced nine new series for “the millennial generation” (you know who you are) (don’t you?) yesterday, and amidst shows about celebrity stylists (working title: The Stylist) and an intriguing-sounding animated series called DJ and The Fro from the guys who brought you Drawn Together, there’s also Ultimate Parkour Challenge.

Now this is a show I’m looking forward to. Hyping the running-leaping-climbing activity as “the world’s fastest growing extreme sport” doesn’t quite do parkour justice, but it’s a great excuse for me to show you this clip, which I never get tired of (I particularly like the guy hopping over a moving car about 2:40 in):

What do you think? Will you watch a parkour-championship show?

Last night on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Hilary Duff played a young mom whose baby was first missing and then found dead. I tuned in because I couldn’t resist the promo ads featuring Duff screeching at her mother, played by NYPD Blue‘s Gail O’Grady. Hoo boy, what a nutty episode: Duff’s character was portrayed as a partying, self-absorbed single mom (the episode was called “Selfish”), and her performance was good, a model of restraint compared to a bellowing, grimacing O’Grady, who seemed to be getting her working-class acting tips from Archie Bunker.

Mid-way through the episode, the plot nearly became a different episode, as Duff faded into the background and L&O commenced a storyline about how Duff’s baby had died from measles contracted by another kid in a public playground. The mother of that kid was one of those parents who doesn’t believe in vaccinating her offspring. That woman was tried for murder. Stars Chris Meloni, Mariska Hargitay, and the L&O:SVU regulars engaged in a lot of yawny debate about vaccination, pro and con. The whole thing reminded me why SVU is my least-favorite Law & Order franchise: Give me the cranky scoldings of Sam Waterston on the original, crispy version, or the new tangy flavor of Criminal Intent‘s Jeff Goldblum any time.

Even Duff looked bored by the end. Maybe she was pondering her upcoming new version of Bonnie and Clyde during the vast stretches when she had no lines.

Did you watch? What did you think?

Watched the second episode of the new second season of In Plain Sight last night, and I’m liking the fresh episodes more than last season. Mary McCormack has really settled into her U.S. Marshal role; during the debut season, I felt as though she was trying too hard to be tough and extravagantly neurotic a lot of the time (no mean feat when you’re acting opposite Lesley Ann Warren playing your mother). But now, McCormack has made some adjustments to her Mary Shannon — she’s still loud, tough, and doesn’t care who knows it, but she’s also got a sense of humor about herself.

Which may seem odd, given the fact that Shannon is supposed to be recovering from last season’s kidnapping. But in fact, that trauma is what’s enabled McCormack to fine-tune the character. Last night, she had great scenes with the psychologist appointed to approve Mary’s reinstatement, and I also enjoyed her desk-flipping tantrums that helped introduce the new office assistant, Eleanor (a welcome Holly Maples).

Mary’s partner, played by Frederick Weller, is also more likable, less pointlessly wiseguy-ish. And the episode had really nice acting from Kevin Rankin and (hello, Felicity alumni!) Amanda Foreman.

All in all, a good season so far. What do you think? Are you watching In Plain Sight?

If you believe Simon Cowell and the London press, Susan Boyle’s new competition is 10 year-old Hollie Steel, who wowed the Britain’s Got Talent judges Saturday night with her singing of the My Fair Lady song “I Could Have Danced All Night.” Overseas newspapers were reporting that Steel immediately vaulted to the number-two position as odds-on favorite to win the competition.

Dressed in a ballerina costume, Steel danced a bit and seemed close to getting a thumbs-down from Cowell and the other judges. Then the little girl broke into song in a delicate but strong voice:

Next thing you know, jaws dropped at the judges table and Cowell complimented Steel by saying, “This might just be the tip of the iceberg for you.” Judge Piers Morgan said, “I have never heard any [child] sing as well as you do.”

Me, I’m skeptical of Steel’s chances to become a worldwide sensation the way Boyle has. The girl has an undeniably pretty voice, but over here, she doesn’t seem to possess the same novelty factor that Boyle’s middle-aged triumph does. But that doesn’t mean the Brits won’t continue to go bonkers over her.

What do you think?

Just when it seems Breaking Bad cannot get much better, the show exceeds its personal-best: Make sure you catch Bob Odenkirk’s wily guest performance in the title role of the episode “Better Call Saul.” As a devious defense attorney operating out of a strip mall, the former half of Mr. Show is the soulless Saul Goodman. Jabbering into his bluetooth, taking bribes as though they were giveaway-samples of Red Bull, Odenkirk’s Saul manages to increase the energy of the already-wired Breaking Bad. Take a look (oh yeah: strong-language warning):

We can come back here tomorrow and discuss Walt and Jesse’s latest stab at making meth, money, and good life-choices while avoiding jail-time. We can reconvene to praise Anna Gunn’s increasingly prominent and wonderfully complex Skyler. And me, I can just say I’m going to start transcribing some of Walt’s speeches to people like his conniving, dullard students and use them as inspirational texts.

But the main thing is: Dig this episode tonight. You’ll thank me in the morning.

Beatrice Arthur could get a huge laugh with just a long, hard, silent stare. When she opened her mouth, her ringingly authoritative voice brought forth another wave of laughter. To defy her as Maude Findlay in Maude, or as Dorothy Zbornak in Golden Girls, was foolish: she’d crush you. No one upstaged Bea Arthur, yet no one, performer or TV viewer, resented her for that. Indeed, this was the source of her thunderbolt comic power. Other women may rival her as TV icons (Lucille Ball, Mary Tyler Moore), but no woman ever made so many people so happy by being so imperious, so decisive, so just plain bossy.

Look at Maude, which premiered in 1972 as a spin-off from All In The Family. Its best episodes play out in front of the studio audience like complete little plays; the laughter is frequently so explosive, Arthur has to do that stage-freeze thing, standing motionless until her next line can be heard. A force of intimidation, Arthur made upper-middle-class liberal Maude brayingly noisy. She towered over her TV husband Walter (Bill Macy) and daughter Carol (Adrienne Barbeau). The show’s humor was often rooted in seriousness (the revolutionary 1972 Maude-gets-an-abortion episode) and anger (countless tantrums directed at anyone Maude thought stupid), and Arthur’s innate gravity was her greatest comic weapon: she was fearless about being unlikable, and we liked her all the more for exactly that quality.

Arthur and the writers knew how to play up her mighty strengths. Just look at this superb clip, in which she answers the phone and corrects the caller (“This is Mrs. Findlay; Mr. Findlay has a much higher voice”) and her first meeting with the housekeeper Florida (the extraordinary Esther Rolle) plays out like a clash of the titans:

On Golden Girls, as Dorothy, Arthur ruled the aging hen house with caustic slashes of sarcasm. For Arthur, Golden Girls was a further refinement of everything she did in Maude. The second series demonstrated how she could modulate her talent to fit into an ensemble of equals… even though she made you know that Dorothy considered herself superior to all she surveyed.

Because we live in a pop culture that thrives on parody and irreverence, Bea Arthur existed in the popular imagination during her final years as the punchline to jokes about her deep voice and her Amazonian stature (try Googling her name and “mannish” and you’ll see what I mean). She had a huge gay following, yet never became a figure of camp ridicule. Whether playing a character or being herself — she was a delightfully clever, articulate, self-deprecating guest on talk and variety shows — Arthur allowed you to both identify with her and to admire her. There was a lot to admire.

More on Beatrice Arthur:
Beatrice Arthur dies at age 86
Beatrice Arthur: A ‘Golden Girls’ 20th anniversary oral history
Roundtable Q&A with TV’s Golden Girls